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What is our own role in creating a toxic hockey "culture" for young men?

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Many comments have been received regarding the allegations of sexual assault by members of Hockey Canada’s 2018 and 2003 junior teams. A major theme is Hockey Canada’s failure to adequately investigate and address these allegations, as well as the flaws in toxic masculinity, sexual violence against women, male eligibility, junior hockey and hockey culture in general, namely surveillance. Lack of focus on accountability. , due diligence and education.

They are all worthy of serious scrutiny, but you can choose to look deeper into the underlying lived reality. We don’t get to the core of whether it’s as rare as we think it is.

These claims should lead us to go to the truth about children, especially male children, especially boys, and really understand what’s inside them and how they got there. All players under the age of 20 are physically capable and play the role of a young man, but parents know that teenagers are emotionally underdeveloped and lack experience, maturity and awareness. I know.

This is especially true for boys who grew up in competitive hockey channels leading to Junior B, Junior A, or Major Junior levels. Their development has been goal-focused and dominated by doing whatever it takes to move up the ladder as much as possible. similar.

From the beginning, they live in a dome of pressure. From my parents and myself, in the form of dreams and hopes and sacrifices. from the conducting coach. from teammates; from the audience; from the rigors of games and practices. From the need to develop strength, speed and single-minded mental focus. This is nuanced, diverse, exploratory, spontaneous, balanced, carefree, and not fun or self-affirming for the sake of fun. Rather, it is driven, structured, superficially one-dimensional, and often solitary. They have no control over anything other than compliance. Adults conspire to make them believers.

One boy I counseled had been told by every coach his entire life in hockey that if he worked hard enough, he could achieve his dreams. Instead, he spent most of the game in the stands!

These boys are our sons. So did the national level players who were sued. The adult world grows them just as we grow all boys, and blames or blames them when they reveal the training they received or did not receive. teaches boys to endure pain, to be tough, to act confidently, to fight and to pursue what they want with devotion and devotion. do not teach. About respect and relationships. We do not connect them to their own feelings or the feelings of others, nor help them learn about themselves or the changes they experience.

That’s why I get training from my peers, the internet, video games, and popular trends. This makes me feel so much better than being an outlier when I don’t have a solid sense of who I am. Every boy has hormonal urges and sexual desires, and porn free to all eyes is male-focused, unrestrained, superficial and high-definition. It becomes a template for action. How come you couldn’t?

This news about national junior hockey teams, and all previous similar stories from sports and colleges, tend to distance themselves from us. You can also induce the concept of Instead, we need to point to ourselves and truly reflect what we do to our sons as they grow up.

Calvin White is the author of The Secret Life of Teenagers and a high school counselor.

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